The Pie Practice Party: Practice Makes...Something

Well, at least yesterday will serve as proof that I know myself really well. I had this feeling that I should practice making pies for my first time hosting Thanksgiving dinner, and I was right. How do I know? Let's take a walk through the steps I followed to reproduce this pumpkin cream pie recipe I found in the most recent issue of Martha Stewart Living (I hate to admit it, but I do love Martha).

I feel it's only fair to warn you that the steps look really pretty (as did taking them), and it's going to be depressing when you see the end result (or scroll down to catch a glimpse right now...go on...I won't be mad).

First, I ground up gingersnaps for the crust in my food processor, then stirred them together with salt, sugar, and melted butter, and pressed the mixture into a pie dish to set.

This is my crust, which, as T was kind of enough to point out, isn't big enough. I kind of neglected to notice this until too late, and I really wish it was the only problem in the finished pumpkin cream pie. But it wasn't.

The first step of preparing the filling involves simmering milk, sugar, and spices, so that's what I did. This is not where I messed up.

La la la...I was just flying high, taking artsy pictures and completely ignorant of the fact that I was mere steps away from ruining the pie.

This is me whisking the milk/sugar/spice mixture into four eggs yolks, sugar, and corn starch. I also chose to include this one because it shows the badass kitchen burns (EXTREME BAKING) on my hands. Pay attention, because I'm about to ruin this pie's life.

BAM. Whisking in the pumpkin. That's how I killed the pie. But I didn't realize this sad fact yet, and went on blithely thinking that I was a pie professional. The problem is that the instructions call for "1 1/4 cups of pumpkin purée from a 15 oz. can," which, for some reason that escapes me now, made me think that I had to put the whole can in.

There she is, waiting to go in the fridge in order to set for about 4 hours. The only problem, though, is that she'll never set, because I put in too much pumpkin. She'll come out like, as T put it:

"Frozen cat diarrhea."

That's right, I put T.L.C. into making my first ever pumpkin pie, when all I really needed to do was trap a cat and wait. God, that was a gross thing to say. But that's how depressed this pumpkin cream pie made me.

Luckily, my PearBerry Pie turned out pretty well. But the first pie was just a big fat Kitchen Fail. You should have seen what it looked like in the fridge this morning, when I finally had the courage to throw it out. I'm making another one tomorrow, and I will not accept defeat. Or frozen cat diarrhea.