Sacher to Me, or Why I Don't Eat Chocolate Cake

No, chocolate cake isn't all that good for you. But that's not why I avoid it. The real reason I avoid chocolate cake is that I have been completely, utterly, unequivocally spoiled by my father in the chocolate cake department, and I know that no other cake could even be a contender up against the cake of all cakes: the Sacher Torte.

(That arm belongs to another disciple of Sacher, my lovely friend Phoebe.)

Sacher Torte is a Viennese cake (or torte, as the name suggests), taking its name from the hotel where it was first made: the Hotel Sacher. That's right, I love this cake so much that I have learned its history. It's a semisweet chocolate cake, covered in preserves (usually apricot or raspberry in our house), then covered in a bitter chocolate shell, then topped off with a dollop of homemade whipped cream. It's decadent, absurdly rich, and, and, and, just perfect. It also takes about three weeks to work off in the gym.

Generally, my father only has the energy to make Sacher Torte about once a year (usually on my birthday), which, funnily enough, usually coincides with the best day of my year. And generally, I don't eat chocolate cake for another 365 days. This could also be because my body goes into chocolate shock, and needs a year to recover. Either way, I'm warning you now, readers, you won't see any chocolate cake recipes on this girl's blog.

Think you have a chocolate cake recipe that can beat Sacher Torte? Let me know, and I'll put your recipe to the test. Just don't expect to succeed.